


The Wretched and Joyful

by KillTheDirector



Series: Blood [2]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Dark fic, F/M, Force Bond, Incest, Manipulative Behavior
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-03
Updated: 2016-06-01
Packaged: 2018-05-27 18:43:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6295507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KillTheDirector/pseuds/KillTheDirector
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I can take what I want." He said it with such surety that she nearly missed the quiver of fear lacing tight around every syllable.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Toying somewhere between love and abuse

**Author's Note:**

> Rey's pov. 
> 
> Hope you all enjoy!

She tries to ignore him rooting around in her mind like a rat, but he's insistent and claws through her mind with icy cold fingers.

Finn asks if she's alright, his big brown eyes molten with concern even with the bright white bandages wrapped around his head. She smiles softly and tells him not to worry about her.

The Resistance base is bustling with life that she really had never experienced on Jakku; everyone regards her with wide eyes and one pilot asked her if she had really flown with _the_ Han Solo.

Rey isn't sure what to say whenever someone gushed about how much they admired the man. She remembers her confinement on Starkiller Base with a twist to her mouth (and there, his invasion into her mind just as it had been then; except this time she's fairly certain he thinks she doesn't know he's even there).

She's eating lunch with Poe and Finn in the medical ward. Finn keeps having difficulty holding his fork, a fact that has Poe and Rey snickering into their own food. 

She can feel Kylo Ren at the base of her spine, her mirth transferring down their line of connection. She feels his annoyance begin to burn under her skin, and when Finn drops his fork again and she laughs loudly, the annoyance is like an electic shock that shoots down her spine. A yelp of pain leaves her mouth, and there's the soft bubble of amusement before the connection is severed. 

()()

It's been days since she's felt Kylo Ren sitting in her mind like a spider in its web. She feels him as bursts, her mind blipping in and out of his and she can see images of what he's doing or where he is. She wonders if he can see out of her eyes, and that has her wondering.

General Organa seems to have noticed Rey's minor distress, and tells her that it's nearly time for her to leave the Resistance base and find Luke Skywalker.

Rey isn't sure how to feel about this; the man is something of a legend among even the most wretched of those who live in the galaxies. The man who stopped the Empire, who defeated Darth Vadar...the last Jedi. 

Her stomach flips, and when she blinks she's met with a brief image of a large and terrible looking creature who peers down at her with empty eyes.

 _Hello, scavenger._ The monstrous creature's voice slides through her consciousness like oil, and just as quickly as she had seen it, she was back and staring at General Organa's concerned face.

"Are you alright, Rey?" Rey forces a smile on her face and she nods.

()()

Later, while she is laying in bed, she attempts to test their...connection. Examination immediately grips at her senses, but her heart is thrumming far too loudly in her chest for it to be her own fatigue.

Rey is able to feel Kylo Ren's awareness perking as she invades more. There's a slide of something that could be concidered amusement if she really thought he could feel something like that. _Have you been practicing, scavenger? ___

Rey gasps quietly and attempts to quickly tug her mind from his, but the connection mustn't be severed completely because she soon feels the ghost of fingers sliding smoothly through the slots of her own. Clenching her teeth, she concentrates hard and the feeling of his hand within her's leaves.

()()

 _Do you regret killing him? Your father?_ She hadn't meant to ask, to test if he could hear her as clearly as she could hear him. The question had come to mind after she had stumbled upon General Organa crying silently to herself in the control room.

There is a moment of hesitation on his part before a flood of images wash over her. It is a young Kylo Ren (formally Ben Solo) being swung between a much younger Han Solo and Leia Organa. It is a happy memory, sweet in a way that Han's death shouldn't have indicated. _He would have disappointed you._ is what Kylo Ren had said during her interrogation. The smiling man in his memory tells Rey otherwise.

 _How could you!_ Her anger has always been the reason she has survived so long alone. She transfers the hot intensity of her rage down their connection, her throat closing as tears spring unbidden in her eyes. She doesn't understand how he could have given all of that up; he had everything while she was left to rot against the sun beaten junk on Jakku.

When she severs their connection, she can feel the dregs of his amusement cling to the fringes of her mind.

()()

"I can take what I want." It is a few months before and she is strapped to the interrogation table with Kylo Ren staring down at her, his eyes dull. The feeling of his cold fingers clawing their way into her head has her pushing back out of instinct.

She had told him that she wouldn't speak to a monster in a mask, and when he had removed the helmet she had been surprised to see a face so _young_ underneath.

She knew who he was, everyone knew who the Fiirst Order's attack dog was, but she was shocked that he had the same shape to his face as hers and the same desperate look in his eyes.

As she fought back against his attempts to retrieve the map, something in her head _clicked_ , and suddenly she _knew_.

"You're afraid..."


	2. No shortage of sordid, no protest from me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **warning: failed sexual assault**
> 
> Sorry this took so long, I was busy graduating college.

It's months later when she comes face to face with him in the construction of a new Starkiller base. 

He comes from the shadows, cloak whispering against the polished metal and frame hulking though he makes barley any sound. She hisses for the others to move on, and they hesitate only a moment before leaving them alone. 

She feels his anger hiss through her bones like ice, the edges of his rage digging corpse cool fingers through her mind. She grits her teeth and offers him a smirk, the soft him of her saber calming as it comes to life. 

She allows him a brief glance of her training with Luke Skywalker, and he lunges forward. 

They dance around each other, their sabers bouncing and cracking as they land hit after hit. She isn't as refined in her fighting as he is, but she makes up for it with bursts of brute strength. 

She feels the swoop of a pull low in her gut before she's suddenly thrown against the hall's wall. Rey releases a grunt of pain as her body slaps against the metal, her saber tumbling from her hand and dying a few feet away. 

He lightly steps over to her, and before she can grab her saber with the Force, his boot crashes down upon her hand. A gut wrenching cry bursts from her mouth as he twists his foot; the delicate bones in her hand rub together, causing pain to shoot over her eyes in small spots of stars. 

She tries to will the pain into him with a trick Luke Skywalker had taught her, but she can feel his resilience just as surely as if it were her own. 

"Rey..." Her name tumbles from his mouth in a whisper, voice garbled by the mask. This causes her to snap open her eyes (that she hadn't even realized had been closed); Rey gathers up her strength and sends him flying away from her. 

She scrambles up, and hesitates only for a moment before scurrying away.

()()

The first and only time she had killed someone, it hadn't been an accident.

She had been on Jakku for 4380 days, and had been scavaging for parts for only 365 of them because Unkar Plutt had told her that portions were t free for her any longer.

The hunger had become a near constant thing in those early days because she hadn't been taught what were good parts yet. Her mind had buzzed with lack of energy, and the heat from the desert sapped any energy she may have had.

She had come across a huge ship in the midst of the sands, and her heart had nearly lept from her throat as she stumbled in. Soon, though, she realized she wasn't alone.

Three men descended upon her like rabid dogs. Their teeth were cracked and brown, and their eyes held promises of pain in them. Their hands gripped at her clothing as she attempted to leap away, but the lack of food made her clumsy where normally she would have been nimble.

They had attacked her on the lip of a steep drop, one that her head snapped over when they pushed her to the ground, cackling of all the things they wanted to do to her.

One of the men's bags hung heavily in front of her, swinging as if it was wanting her to grab ahold of it. She did, and with a strength she didn't realize she possessed, pulled the man over the edge of the drop.

The other two stared with dumbfounded horror as their companion fell screaming. Rey didn't register the wet thud that followed, and when she came to, the two other men had joined him.

Their packs were filled to the brim with shiny parts that even she, with her inexperienced eye, could tell would be worth quite a bit.

She ate well for months after, and learnt how to defend herself.

()()

Rey stares up at the ink dark sky, her hands laced over her stomach while her fire dies down to smoldering embers.

She is alone on the island; Master Luke had gone to a different one, mumbling something about needing to be alone for a while. Whether he meant himself or her, Rey doesn't know.

She thinks of Kylo Ren.

Her mind connects with his, but the Force bends a little too much to her will, and she feels him almost tumble into her body. He is aware of her, and her eyes--his eyes?-- trace the constellations of stars above.

"You have been practicing, haven't you?" He breathes in her voice, sitting up and looking around the island. _This is a test._ She isn't sure if she had thought that, or he did, and instead sits in the back of his mind and watching through her eyes.

"This is where you've been hiding." He observes, then digs her fingers through the loosely packed dirt. "Does your _master_ know you're doing this?" She suddenly remembers Master Luke, and his sorrowful eyes when they had first discussed the bond between Kylo Ren and herself. If he knew what she was doing...Her mouth stretches into a sharp grin that leaves a pit of dread in her stomach, and she knows that Khlo Ren is amused. "We're alone, aren't we... _Rey_?"

She is afraid of this man, but her lonliness eats away at her like a virus, so she doesn't banish him from her body.

A swell of understanding washes over her frayed mind, and images from his childhood play over her consciousness. He is small and whispered about behind his back by hurtful children; he is mocked for his special treatment, avoided because of his grandfather's past. "I'm sorry," She feels the grating edge of a lie wrap tight around her mind, but she ignores it. "I know...I know what loneliness is as well."

He leaves like a whisper, and Rey has control over her body once more. She blinks away tears and turns over on her sleeping mat to mull over what he had shared with her.

()()

Master Luke leaves with more frequency then Rey would like, causing her to pull Kylo Ren into her for someone to speak to.

She voices her irritations with the man while some part of her wonders if this is safe. She had been fold the story of Anakin Skywalker and his turning to the Dark Side because of the whispering sod someone he trusted.

Her concerns are washed away by Kylo Ren sharing his memories with her, and his assurances that they are more alike than she would think.

It is late one evening when she is alone and fumbling clumsily with herself. She pants softly, her eyes squeezed shut as she tries to lose herself in the sensations and not to imagine anyone, aware that one small slip could mean calling unwanted attention to her.

She swallows thickly, tongue flicking out to wet her lips and thinks: _Would it be that bad?_.

Suddenly Khlo Ren is part of her, his shock mixing with hers for a tense moment. He seems to register what is going on, and moves her--his--hand back between her legs. "Were you thinking of me," Her voice sounds strange tinged with rosy want, "Is that why I'm here?"

Embarrassed anger washes through her, and Kylo Ren lets out another groan when Rey moves her--his--their hand rougher, and brings the other to cup at her small breast. A whimper that may have come from her or both of them tumbles out when he takes their nails over a nipple, tugging and rolling the sensitive flesh between calloused fingers.

They cry out together when she reaches her peak, and after the waves of orgasm calm, she pushes him out of her mind like a bad dream. Shame and confusion color her face a bright red, but when she rolls onto her back, satisfaction curls contently in her stomach.

Rey thinks.


End file.
